Burn
by heartsoulpenpaper
Summary: Its been a month since Marissa's death. Ryan and Summer are both taking it worst. Anger, pain, solace and eachother.
1. Chapter 1

Summer gulped hard. She never could enjoy the hot burning sensation…sure, she could enjoy what came later, but the initial gulps always hurt. Marissa, she had been a different story. One night, when they had been baring their souls to each other in a way that only best friends can, Marissa had confided in her that she now actually likes the taste of vodka, craved it. And that troubled her.

Shouldn't have, thought Summer bitterly. She should have drank, partied, stuck dollar bills full of coke up her nose every night, because her life was going to be snatched away anyway, so what was the difference? Another gulp. The part that Summer liked, the blurry warmth, was headed to town.

Ryan was losing his patience. How could Seth be so self involved? Ryan took a breath, and considered the past few years. When had he ever not been?

"I'm not going looking for her again Ry, I'm done with it. You're not all pity poor me I lost Marissa, she's just wallowing in the self indulgence of it and I'm through."

Ryan clenched his fist. He'd never hit Seth, never had and never would, but just sometimes, sometimes he felt the urge coil around him like a snake around a mouse. His whiny tones pushed him to a point where he had to fight the urge of considering it.

"I'll go. Where do you think she's gone?" Ryan had taken a call from Dr Roberts 20 minutes earlier asking if she was at the Cohen's as she had stormed out after a huge row with her dad. Apparently it was not the first. Since Marissa had died Summer had taken things very differently than anyone expected. She was angry. And boy she was letting people know it.

"I don't know, the bait shop maybe? Or that sleazy bar Marissa used to hang out at with…." Even Seth knew better than to mention his name.

Ryan clenched again, grabbed the keys from the sideboard and headed out.


	2. Chapter 2

It was raining pretty hard, Ryan shook his head like a shaggy dog when he arrived at the bar. Seth had been right, she was at the dive Marissa used to come to, to get totally wasted with….him. He saw her sitting on a bar stool. She had her back to him, but already he knew what the look on her face would be. It would be the same as it had been since the night she found out Marissa had never made it to the airport. Dead. Her face would be dead. Where there were once vibrant eyes shining with mischief and vitality, there would now be two chocolate pools of nothingness. He knew, because that's what he felt too. Anger, misery, frustration and pain. He knew everything she felt because he felt it too.

She didn't know why, but she knew he was there, behind her, she could sense it. She turned around slowly. Ryan said nothing. What's new? If this had of been anyone else there would have been reams of meaningless dialogue, where have you been? We're so worried about you Summer, this has to stop, we know your hurting, blah blah blah. But not Ryan. He pulled a stool across the filthy bar floor strewn with cigarette butts and sat down next to her. Close enough so that people probably could tell they knew each other, but not so close he was invading her space.

A whole minute must have passed before one of them spoke.

"You know, when you told me, I blamed you." Summer said this quietly and evenly. Ryan nodded. "I blame me too." He added.

"No, you're wrong to. You see, I blamed you because ever since you arrived in Newport, that's when all Riss's big problems started, the drugs, the drinking, the getting expelled. You were always around and always a part of things. But then I realised, you were always the one trying to get her out of her messes, helping her, not the one who put her in them." Summer laughed a little. "I'm sorry Ryan. Sorry for blaming you."

Ryan shrugged. "Like I said, I blame me too, so don't beat yourself up about it." He smiled a weak smile at her.

"Can we sit here for a while? Get a drink, talk?" This was the first time since Marissa's death that Summer had wanted to talk to anyone. And Ryan, who hated talking about his feelings more than most things in hell, felt a little uneasy as the idea actually appealed to him.

"Sure."


	3. Chapter 3

Before moving to Newport, Ryan done his fair share of getting wasted. He and Trey would steal from 7-11's and then sit with the rest of Chino's youth drinking the depressing nights away. Teresa was often there, they'd fool around and she'd get drunk quickly, often spending the rest of the evening in his arms. Since moving he'd tried to stay away from it, It didn't offer any answers to problems, he knew this. He's seen his mom and Kirsten go through so much this was something he was sure of. But tonight, here, with Summer, the drink flowed easily and eased some of the knots in his shoulders.

"Hey Atwood. I might aswell be drinking alone here." Summer looked across at her companion who was deep in thought. Her heart ached a little for him. As hard as Marissa's death was for her, it must have been even worse for Ryan. People told him he wasn't to blame, but people's eyes betrayed them, especially Julie and Jimmy. Summer lightly laid her hand on his shoulder.

"You ok?"

"Umm, yeah. Just thinking." Ryan replied.

"Brooding you mean?" Summer managed a small grin and Ryan saw some life in her eyes for the first time since the accident.

"I'm sorry." It was said so low it was barely audible.

"What?" Summer looked perplexed and then realised he meant he was sorry about Marissa. "No, Ryan. No." Her voice was strong and cheeks flushed from the alcohol. "Don't be sorry, or guilty. It wasn't you, you helped her. You always helped her." Summer's voice faltered a little and as Ryan looked up he saw her eyes brimming with water. He took her hand.

"I wish I could have saved her. I should have killed that son of a bitch when I had a chance, nearly did, but I thought I should stop, fought to stop." Summer squeezed his hand with her own.

They looked at eachother now, searched each others eyes to see if they could convey the pain they both felt, helped the other realise no-one was alone.

In a tiny second of time Summer leant in and crushed her lips to Ryan's. He was knocked sideways with the sensation of soft lips bruising his own and a hand stroking his face. He lifted his hand to grab onto the back of her head and pull her in closer when Summer jumped back, like struck by lightning.

"I, I'm sorry Ryan. I don't know why I don't that. Forgive me, God, I'm some friend huh?" Summer slid from her stool and ran from the bar, into the rain.

Ryan took a moment to take in what had just happened, before downing the rest of his drink and slamming a $20 down on the bar.


End file.
